Everything has been a big struggle and somehow when we moved I thought things would get better. things took a little nose dive instead. when we closed up shop several of my other friends closed up their shops and moved to the big cities in big hopes that there would be better things and more opportunities.
I had to stay and help my family but day after day, month after month:
Everyone Came Home…
Miss led and in some form of debt or simple homelessness, somehow everyone made it back to Modesto. how on earth is it this black hole of a town managed to pull back these lives I honestly will never know.
Dont get me wrong to a certain degree we pride ourselves where we come from but lately its been hard.
Again dont get me wrong motivation and ambition can propel you in any direction at times successfully but exactly when in the process do begin to realize you’re going in the right direction? if its true happiness and not a guided idea blossoming in a mind fertile in blind hopes.
Seriously dont answer that, theres enough statistics of deceased brutalized women (and men) out there to support the fact that some people never freakin wake the hell up.
Just being realistic - to put things in an optimistic perspective Ive chosen to dust off my poor neglected cameras and begin anew - I miss film photography.
Its not like a bicycle you have not ridden in years and figure to pick up and ride before the winter season comes in-NO. this is a true beast where skill matters.
well it matters if its your thing right, you know what I mean- the gut wrenching thing that gnaws at your insides until you cant ignore it.
The idea that you can easily put your life in a box and move it long distances without breaking a sweat is a total lie. Ive lost boxes of my clothes and personal objects but never my photo equipment and never my client work. those things travel in special bags on my person- I still break a damn sweat.
Yea, Im laughing now that Im settled back into Modesto, though with plenty to do an enough work to easily bury myself alive. Im almost excited like a kid at Christmas going through each package wondering about the surprises inside.
Shoes, Clothes and gear waiting to be modeled, camera lenses ready to be polished and uncapped - a wide eye staring at the world with a cold unbiased and unforgiving nature, a merciless tool ready to wink like the devil at the world with promises of infinite possibility.
cold and calculated.
ready to start over.